It's Friday morning, early, and we've already had breakfast at Bojangles and the girls (Lilly & Dana) are all fueled up on Starbucks. We're driving up I-95 in Virginia through the endless array of autumn painted forests. The air is cool and the skies are clear. We're heading to Jersey; we're heading to Kevin Smith.
Kevin Smith a.k.a "Silent Bob" (for any of you who have been living under a rock for the last 14 years) is a writer, director, actor, producer, editor, and all around cool cat. He's directed movies such as: Clerks., Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, Clerks II, and the latest Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
It's been two hours and we are mid ways through Virginia. It's time to stop off at a gas station, stretch, stock up on snacks, and switch drivers.
Michelle guided us through the next 2 hours as the girls fell in and out of sleep. I pulled out the camera and started shooting some photos of our journey.
It's getting later now. Dana's already driven us through Maryland and Deleware. I'm making the long haul up to Jersey.
We finally reach the Jersey Turnpike and stop off for Nathan's Famous Hotdogs. First time for me but for Michelle and the girls it tastes like home; like Long Island.
Lunch is over and the trip is close to follow suit. Back in the truck we go and off to Red Bank!
Finally we reach our destination, The Courtyard by Marriott Lincroft Red Bank. The girls go inside to get settled in to the room. I can't get settled until I have my hands on our tickets for the Count Basie Theatre, where Kevin Smith will be performing later in the night.
I'm almost at the theatre when Dana calls.
"Hello?"
"We just me Kevin Smith!!!"
"what...?"
"Yeah we took the elevator up to the third floor and when the doors opened, he was standing right there with his wife!"
"Shut up. I fucking hate you guys." (lol)
"Yeah it was awesome! And blah blah blah blah"
The rest was pretty hard to make out as she was understandably excited to have just met Kevin Smith. However, it was not "Silent Bob" who was "Silent" it was Lilly Scarpinito who was silent. She froze up and not a single word came out. She finally pulled it together and told him we were coming to see him at the theatre. He replied "Righ on." and made the gentlemanly gesture for the girls to exit the elevator as his wife and him were looking to enter the elevator. Finally the ice around their feet gave way and they were able to move.
Back at the theatre I just picked up our tickets and Michelle and I are on our way back to the hotel.
We all take a little cat nap as Lilly takes a shower and gets ready.
Now we are up and alert and ready to see the man himself, Kevin freakin Smith!
Heading back to that same elevator, *ding* the doors open, we pile in. Who is this? No... It's Kevin Smith's wife! Jennifer Schwalbach Smith, who acted in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Jersey Girl, Clerks II, and even Zack and Miri was in the very same elevator as my entourage and me. It was crazy.
So we go to the Q & A at the Count Basie Theatre just 5 minutes up the road. It was a great night of entertainment, however hot as hell it was.
The theatre is filled with laughter and applause and another Evening with Kevin Smith has passed. We rejoice and find ourselves walking the cold streets of Jersey heading back to the truck. The rumble of the crowds followed us back and into our bellies as we were all starving.
Whoa! Does that sign say "Cluck-U-Chicken"? It does! I don't know what it is, but I have to eat there.
So Cluck-U it is with 20 hot wings to go please!
A quick stop at the local 7/11 and we're off to our rooms. Blasted by the strong aroma of marijuana as I entered the third floor, I nearly lost my balance. "It smells like Kevin Smith on this floor", I said loudly.
I was exausted, Michelle was exausted, we were all exausted. After finishing half of my wings I'm beat, it's time for bed. Talk to you in the morning...
It's 9am and I'm already stoked about the day. Kevin Smith is going to be doing a signing at his very own personal comic shop today, Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, from 2-5.
Naturally, we've decided to go a little early; 10AM!
Dana parts ways with us at this point to go visit a friend in NY. Little did she know, she was about to miss the greatest part of the whole adventure.
*Slam* *Slam* *Slam*
We all get out of the truck and start walkin. The smell and sound of fallen gold leaves under our feet as we venture off; it brings back memories of childhood for Michelle and Lilly.
The atmosphere is electric as men hang garlin from lamp posts and familys cross streets with smiles and excitement. The steam floats off a man's coffee cup and pours out of his mouth as he speaks.
Just up ahead we can see the Stash and there's not a soul in line! Hot damn!
We slide right in to the shop and browse around lookin at all the wonderful goodies the View Askew crew has to offer.
I make my purchases and realize that there actually is a line and that it's already half a block long. It's 10 fucking 30 man! Half a block!?
Whatever, it wasnt that long and we joined the devoted fans in what was to be a long day.
5 1/2 hours we stood. Waiting, talking, laughing at the Jay and Silent Bob impersonators, taking rain showers, freezing and eating.
It was wonderful.
They came around and took our photos. Some restaurant owners capitolized on our position as we could not, or would not, move from our position in line. They took our orders for breakfast and hand delivered it to us.
We made friends with fans and waited for hours.
Finally, FINALLY! We start to move. We come around the corner where we wait some more; and wait some more...
This is it, we are going in. We are told there will be no photos, which sucked but I snuck one anyway.
First up, Lilly. She reminds him that she was the girl in the elevator that saw him. He says "Oh right. Not a word..." ha ha. She tells him she was nerveous and he tells her it's all good. After complimenting him on his wife he signs her merch and she's on her way.
Next up is Michelle and she gets our theatre ticket signed, made out to Zach and Michelle. She tells him how much Dominic would love his store and then she's on her way.
Lastly I walk up to the man and tell him how much of an honor it is to meet him. I shake the bear-like paw of Silent Bob and he asks who to make it out to. I tell him the same as Michelle. Make it out to Zach and Michelle please. He makes it out to Zach and Michelle and then writes below it "Now you can never split up" Awesome! I love it.
We are giddy. We pick up our rain soaked chairs from around the corner and head back to the parking deck.
This is where I found Jesus...
I found Jesus on the sidewalk in Jersey, manifested.
Shrugged our shoulders and headed up to the truck where it was dry and warm. It's time to make the long ass drive home. We decide to cut out our detour to the "Quick Stop" where the movie Clerks was filmed; I'm still depressed about that. But you do what you have to and we were all tired and ready to go home.
Cold, we decided to stop off at Arby's and scarf down a warm meal.
The trip home was pretty decent, minus the last long ass leg through Virginia. Nothing to look at but the road and the moon, with a barrage of trees on either side, my eyes are heavy and delusion sets in. I start to swerve so I pull over on the side of I-95 in the middle of nowhere and get out to stretch. Seeing this as a photo-op I pull out the point-and-shoot and snap a 15sec exposure of some fellow travelers.
We eventually make it home after two movies and 800+ miles.
This was the story of our Road Trip to Jersey.
